Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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