i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
