Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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