my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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