he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
