You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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