she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
