Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
