Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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