the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
