That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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