She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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