So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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