Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
