I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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