shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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