How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
