Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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