I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
