I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
