I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
