I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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