You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you would pick up someone in the library
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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