Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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