My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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