Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
