I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
