So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
