Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
