It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
