I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
