I cannot find my penis.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize