We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize