Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
