I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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