Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
