finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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