I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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