just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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