I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
