i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
