Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
