I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
