HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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