I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
