I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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