whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize