so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
