My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
