I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize