I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
