38 yer olds are good kisserssss
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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