Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
