either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
