he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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