Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
