I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
