after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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