that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
