Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
