it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
