I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
