hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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