If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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