oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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