I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
