I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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