You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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