my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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