Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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