also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
