I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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