Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
