just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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