you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
