so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
