I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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