i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
