Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
