Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The Olympian is in my bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
