well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
