Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
