Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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